Often times this happens, you see your friends a lot, and then after the baby, you barely know who these people are anymore!
Nick and I have proactively planned some things for the end of the year to keep us from saying the forbidden statements above. We plan to have Thanksgiving at our house again and plan to go to Ohio during the holidays.
We were talking about this fact on the way home from dinner on Sunday night. We had met a group of friends for dinner. I was trying to imagine myself if we'd had a kid already. I thought to myself that I thought it would still be appropriate to take the child in tow to this particular restaurant (Basil). While at dinner, we spoke of a friend getting married in November 2010, and this would be a wedding that we would need to travel to (Virginia).
While on our drive home, we talked about the wedding. Our child would barely be two months old by the time of the wedding. Do we leave him or her with grandma or take our little one in tow? I don't want to be that mother that abandons their child at grandma's, but I also don't want to be the only person that brings a child to a wedding (I have no idea if the little one will even be on the invite). Then we thought Nick could stay in the room with the child, and I would attend the wedding (I absolutely don't think it is appropriate to bring an unpredictable child to a ceremony); then he could meet up with me at the reception. Would I look like a bad mother if I brought my child to a noisy event (where I am sure there will be lots of fun and of course drinking) past their bedtime? Would I be "that guest" that everyone stares and talks about?
This wedding has really been on my mind, as I have no idea what to do. This is a VERY good friend, and I wouldn't want to miss it for the world.
Any advice from the mothers out there? Any advice of what I should expect from (judgment) those who haven't had children yet (currently like myself)? HELP...what a social calendar dilemma!
4 comments:
Meredith, Take Logan into account and your wedding. I did not bring him to the wedding. But it due to the fact I was helping out a lot and also taking into account that they need there naps and the wedding time my not fall into the nap time. Getting a little one dressed for the wedding and wondering if he or she is going to make an outburst. I chose to leave Logan with his Mimi but that was due to we had a lot to do for your wedding and I knew I would be very busy and you all needed me at a moments notice and if I had Logan that would not be the case. Your child will not think any less of you if you were to leave them with grandma for a weekend. If will be a nice break for you both. As for the social calendar, we take Logan a lot of places with us. Seldom do we leave him with Mimi or CC. Only if we feel we are going to be out really late and going some where we think just is not kid friendly but going out to eat. We pack him up and go. He has done great! We also do a lot at the house and invite friends over and have dinner at the house so Logan is not out of his element and do not have to worry about other people's prize possesions. But if we do go to some elses house we just carry a few things with us to occupy his time and it really works out great. Do not sweat it. It is all in what you want to do. I know you, you will make it work out for what you feel is right. Hange in there. It is scary at first but the transition is better than what you think. :)
This is such a great topic. Jonathan and I feel the same way. We don't want our baby to keep us from being us, but we don't want to be inconsiderate of her by "dragging" her everywhere.
We try to balance taking her and leaving her at home - she needs rest and sometimes we need to do things with each other.
Taking a baby out is not as stressful if you plan ahead and are always ready to make a quick exit if needed. People will understand if you at least make an effort to be there.
Thanks for the advice ladies (Sarah, thanks for calling to chat about it too!). I think we are going to plan to go with the baby in tow, but I am going to talk to the bride to make sure she is ok with having our little one at the reception.
Well, you know AK was young, I guess a month or younger, at your wedding, and I didn't come. Although, I did plan to come all the way leading up until the weekend of. (It may have been different if Tommy was in town - he travels so much, but we are fortunate. Plus, I had a myriad of problems after she was born that really didn't allow me to do a lot, that hopefully you will NOT have. Probably had I been feeling top notch, I would have found a way to be there, with plenty of help from others, but AK would NOT have made an appearance!) That being said, I think you would have DIED if I had brought her - think back to that time in your life when you thought about yourself more than anyone else - we all did it- especially about our weddings. I'll be the first to say NO kids were invited to mine, except those that were in it. And AK has been invited to weddings since then that she has NOT gone to. I don't feel it's appropriate. If anything else, a baby will "steal the bride's thunder," babies always do, and if one day in anyone's life should be theirs, it's their wedding day. Another thing - will you be flying? (You know we aren't fans of long drives, Tommy and I, but maybe you are.) If the baby is under 2 months it is completely inappropriate in my opinion to put them on a dirty, recycled-air, airplane, b/c you won't get vaccines until 2 months and babies can't have any tylenol or that type meds until then (in other words, if there's a fever or anything, the child is almost immediately admitted to the hospital for a spinal tap - and no, I'm not exaggerating.) AK went very few places being a winter baby, such as yours, until she was 2 months, and even then we monitored it (she was baptized at 2 months, 1 week, for that very reason!). So, if you don't want to leave a young baby for the weekend (which I NEVER wanted to do and still don't even though I do force myself to do so b/c it is really needed for a healthy marriage!), then I think the plan of Nick staying with the baby in the room while you attend is a good idea. (Or, why don't you have a grandmother or aunt tag along for the weekend? That way you and Nick can go to the wedding together, have a little date, but your baby is with you for the weekend and well-taken care of while you are at the wedding. Another set of helpful (helpful being the key word) hands are always nice when out of town.) Plus, if you are planning to breastfeed, it'd be hard for you to be away from such a young baby for so long.
Wow, the longest comment in history and MAN, do I sound opinionated! I do have strong opinions about this though, and it is hard to make an educated decision. You'll make it though, and the transition is not as tough as it appears to be. I think we still have a fabulous social life, even living out of town from helpful family. Plus, friends will quickly start having children and your social life will change - and that's not a BAD thing at all, it's just different than what you are used to now!
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